Down the plug hole!

Hello again and welcome back. If this is your first time, c'mon in.

Well, here in the Independent Republic of...., it's been a bit of a wash out, wind, rain, thunder and lightening. Too erratic for me to haul on my vacuum-packed beach shoes, but I know a group who would have been on the beach at the first glimpse of sunshine. The real Beachies; our Home Guard of stout men and women, 60+, tanned and armed with tightly rolled up towels tucked under their arms. Not for them the namby-pamby beach shoe, no, they hobble down to the water and don't even gasp as they reach the eye-watering height.

Beachies, I salute you. You are the ones that make Shoreham Beach great, not the summer BBQ's, the foreshore, or the key-swapping parties. It's you, every last one of you.


Now, I've a theory that young childrens' feelings are as strong as adults, and this week there was a eureka moment.

INT. BATHROOM. NIGHT

Bath time. Tom, our four year old, sits in the bath leaning miserably against the tiles. I bustle in and stop dead. Tom looks at me, pulls a glum face and holds up his finger.

ME

Oh dear, have you hurt yourself?

TOM

No.

ME

What is it then?

TOM

Look.

I squint at his finger. Nothing. He points to a solitary human hair dangling off the end. 

ME

It's a hair?!

TOM

All his friends are down the plug-hole.  He's very sad.

ME

Come again?

TOM

You'll have to go and get them.

ME

Erm.  When we pull the plug out, he can join them. Right, where's the soap?

TOM

No he can't. He's afraid of the dark. You have to go and get them.

Tom crosses his arms and stares at me. I recognise that look. It's called trouble.

ME.

(calling)

Richard! Your turn to do bath time.

Parenting is all about learning. Today's lesson is on how to clean your bath.

And finally, according to the Beach News, the Highways Agency will be re-surfacing the top and bottom roads at almost the same time. It's going to be a scream. Good job we've got extra wide pavements.

Have a happy week and see you next Sunday.

Who's blog is it anyway?

Hello and welcome to my weekly blog.

The italics are there for my husband's benefit as he wants me to write about Shoreham Beach not Paultons Park. As he's my Technical Support,  I'll talk about Shoreham Beach.

Shoreham Beach, or the Independant Republic of Shoreham Beach is a great place. Come visit. Dogs welcome.

Paulton's Park, "the theme park for all the family,"  is the business. Rides, play areas, an aviary, more rides, diddy train, waterpark, still more rides, Wallabies, Emus and, you've guessed it.. a sandpit! Give yourself a full day, take a picnic, and a change of clothes, just in case.

One word of caution. The Cobra is not suitable for 4 year olds, even if they are 1.2 meters high, as ww found out.

EXT.CAR PARK. DAY

Eager family unpack car. Turn in unison to sound of shrieks and screams behind them. It's the Cobra, a whopping great roller coaster. 

UNISON

wow!

4 YEAR OLD

Can I go on that?

PARENTS

 (unison)

Of course you can.

Family scamper off in the direction of the Cobra. Twenty minutes later.

EXT. COBRA CAR. DROP OFF POINT.DAY

Car slows to a stop. Wails come from within. Small queue reacts sympathetically to crying child lifted out by sheepish parent.

4 YEAR OLD 

(sobbing)

I didn't like that.

Queue gives parents a collective, No s*** Sherlock stare.

So if you find yourself in such a situation and are tempted to put your precious,  (tall for age) pre-schooler, into a car decorated with a viper's jaw, just pause for one second and ask yourself, has my darling ever expressed a desire to:

1.  get hauled up a 45 degree slope and launched off the edge,
2.  get whipped around a sharp camber at breathtaking speed,
3.  get tossed up and down steep humps
4.  get hurled towards the roof of a wooden hut at breakneck speed, veering underneath at the last second?

If not, head towards the Ladybirds ride. Ice-cream bribe may be required.

Thanks for popping by and see you next week.

Ta-ra